Me too!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
