I met the friendliest cop last night
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
