His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
