All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
