from now on my penis is your penis
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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