I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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