Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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