she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
