There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
