Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Your penis caused this!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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