I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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