No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
