I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
