i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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