Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Holy sore nipples Batman
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
