Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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