8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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