don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
