Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
