The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
