Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
