is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
