I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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