if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
