HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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