So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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