there was a trapeze. enough said
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He did a backflip because drugs
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
