They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I have demons in me.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize