i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
