Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
