Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
