If i come over, it means nothing
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
