Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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