You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
