I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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