Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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