So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
