I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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