it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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