I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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