The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
