i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
