woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
