yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize