It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
