the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
