I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
