textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
