Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
