I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
