forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
