Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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