His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
