Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
