She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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