I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I would fuck him just for his dog
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
