you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Shame is for Republicans.
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