Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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