some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
