I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
