I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
