just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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