he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
