hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
