life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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