wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
