"it" just moved
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Randomize
