Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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