This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize