I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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