Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
