this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
