Everything about him screamed your future.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
