i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
