New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
