I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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