How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
