What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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